Triggered by Your Spouse's Ex | Relationship Talk
"If you want a relationship that looks and feels like the most amazing thing on earth, you need to treat it like it is the most amazing thing on earth." YOUR SPOUSE'S EX.. So this topic has come up a few times this past year and I was finally inspired to write a post about it and record a video (link here). I was chatting with a friend the other day and she mentioned how she gets insanely jealous of her boyfriends ex and doesn't like going to places he has been with his ex's and she just doesn't feel good enough that he has dated people before her. Basically she wishes she would be the only person he has ever dated. Now, I am sure most of you know that these feelings have a lot to do with insecurities within herself (which I have no idea why! She is an awesome person, full of light and love) but anyway, something I said to her made her change the way she looked at it.
I told her: "Listen, Nicole (not her name, hehehe) why don't you think about it this way, because of all the relationships he has had before, it has lead him to you and you are literally dating a different version of him than he was with his ex's. So in a way, you are the only person that has ever dated him, that specific version of him." Which made her go: "Oh wow, I never thought about it that way! That's really a good way to think about it." Clearly, if you are dealing with these kind of issues, it is a good idea to seek the hurt within and as to why you are being triggered by it. REMEMBER: Your triggers; your pain points are simply showing up to bring awareness to the parts you need to heal within yourself. You need to ask yourself, why does it bother you?
I mean clearly, the person you are dating especially if you are older, obviously has had different relationships and those relationships have moulded him/her into a certain person that they are today. We go through so many of these relationships to learn about what we like and what we don't like, this is hugely beneficial as MOST (not all) relationships fail when it has only been our FIRST one. We need to go through this process to learn about ourselves and also about how relationships work, what we need to fix and work on etc. So when we all know this and it STILL bothers us, you must ask yourself those questions as to why, because if your partner is still with you, is loving to you, cares about you and has no intentions on breaking up with you, then this is a problem within yourself. & if you cannot get a handle on it and cannot figure out on your own, get a life coach to start treating the root causes of your jealousy. (Link here for my contact).
When it comes to places that your spouse has been with their ex's, just please leave that! It should be an honour that you spouse is taking you to one of their favourite places to share a memory with you, even if they have been there with their ex. Who cares! How do you know how it really was between them when they were in that spot? How do you know if they truly had a good time? You don't and you shouldn't have to. Because you are making NEW memories with your spouse in those places which OVER ride the others that happened. Don't allow something and someone from the past to stop you from fully ENJOYING your relationship and make new and awesome memories with him/her. Learn from it, let it go and start to enjoy your relationship FULLY or you will drive your spouse away eventually. Watch my video below to get the audio version of this plus I always record and post on different days, so there is more information in my video and vice versa when you watch my videos.
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as always, lots of love. - Alexandra xo
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