"If you accept that a relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation , and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world." - Eckhart Tolle
You are subconsciously looking for a relationship the feels like "home" to you, something that you have always known. so if you have known abuse, you will subconsciously seek out abuse because that will feel like home as disturbing as that may sound. if you have been treated with love and care, you will subconsciously seek that out as that feel known, comfortable and safe to you.
There are so many different ways of saying this but essentially what I am talking about here is whatever you have been taught in the younger years you will without doubt repeat it because that is something that has been wired into you and essentially all of that feels like "home" to us because it makes us feel COMFORTABLE and SAFE.
Even if "safe" isn't something that is truly keeping us safe, our brains don't really understand the difference.
Whatever you were taught when you were younger and SURVIVED IT, your brain understands that that is how you will survive later on in the world so therefore it MUST repeat those experiences to you in order to keep you "safe." Which is why whenever a truly awesome person comes into your life, you will find everything about them to reject them because what they are presenting to you is something that was not familiar to you in childhood! See for myself, having physical contact with someone especially the opposite gender is strange AF because I never truly got that and I survived just fine without it. So the minute my significant other wants to connect in that way, I want to push him as far away from me as possible because what was normal to me was someone to criticize me in my life, leave me alone and not give me much attention.
"A healthy relationship is one in which love enriches you; not one that imprisons you." - Steve Maraboli
Those were my survival skills when I was a child and it makes sense as I always just felt comfortable being that way because I knew NO OTHER WAY!
But because I know this, I can bring awareness to it and start to wire my brain the opposite that it is safe to connect physically to one another, it's okay to receive compliments and be told that I am doing my best and what I do is awesome. But that takes time and awareness.
It is understanding that well I know my pattern is to be attracted and date the wrong type of person, so what if I went with the opposite that I'm attracted to? How would that turn out for me?
That is exactly what I did.
I went against what my patterning was and opened myself to something I never once would entertain. A person who I knew was good but something about them made me want to run the other way. I know that some of you would say well that could of been your intuition telling you to get away. I hear you but I also have made a post/video about how sometimes we confuse the intuition for our trauma talking. I knew I was interested in this person intuitively but my trauma wanted me to run away and go to someone who felt like "home." but again I knew home was someone who wasn't good for me. Who would abuse me in some way and I would be back in my old patterning. I didn't want that for myself.
"From a spiritual perspective every relationship we develop, from the most casual to the most intimate, serves the purpose of helping us to become more conscious." - Caroline Myss
So I just started to understand what I usually was attracted to, I made a list and made a list of all that I wanted. My significant other presented most of the qualities that I wanted but yet I still felt the urge to run the other way. Whenever I felt this urge, I told myself to stay, that I'm safe and over time my brain relaxed and stopped telling me to run away.
I started to feel safe in a new kind of "home" feeling.
This again will take awareness and time. It is important to know that whatever felt like home to you before absolutely can be changed to a different kind of home feeling. Just become aware of what that is for you and how you want home to feel like.
"The purpose of relationship from a spiritual perspective is to serve as a mirror, to give us the opportunity to see and heal our issues, learn major life lessons, grow our consciousness and open ourselves up to love even more. And sometimes a relationship has to end for us to learn the lessons that are most valuable." - unknown
You can absolutely over run your hardware in your brain and make a different kind of reality for yourself. One that is better suited for the individual that you want to become.
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